I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
