Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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