Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
