There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
