why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
