dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
