I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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