she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This baby is an asshole
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
