people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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