I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
