I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
