we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
