Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
