Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
