babies were throwing up all over the place
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
