Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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