so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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