The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
