so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
