I forgot how hot balto sounded
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
