I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Screwed.edu
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
