i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
