I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
