Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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