I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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