someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
