When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sorry about my life...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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