Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
