remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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