best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
