Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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