I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
