One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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