I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
