He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we made out on top of his cat.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
