I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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