I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
NoShamevember. You game?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
