why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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