Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
