Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
