I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
