I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
