I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
