i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
