its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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