dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
