thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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