I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
