i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
