the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
