You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
