hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
