which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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