I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
