I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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