he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
