Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
