This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
