i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
