so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
