FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
cat food counts as protein by the way
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
