evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
