I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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